Poppy O'Rourke

POPPY O'ROURKE, ENTERTAINMENT NEWS REPORTER

Poppy O'Rourke speaks like someone from the 1920s and wears bold colors.
She is reporting live, from the subway.

POPPY O'ROURKE
Poppy O'Rourke, here, your favorite local entertainment news reporter, bringing you the poop on the inside scoop, as per usual.
Here's the gossip from the underground - your exclusive subway trash-talk from the unseen seedy underbelly of the city.

A prissy blond wearing too much makeup and uncomfortable shoes was visibly and passive-aggressively irritated by the lousy gumsmacker to her left. He was aware and had no hard feelings, and the gum was still flavorful at press time.

A homeless woman with numerous bags and a cheery disposition received a quarter from a child who did not judge her, but did proudly state that she smelled like a potty.

A businessman probably on the way to do something that will take advantage of our hard-earned tax dollars was unaware that his fly was undone and not in an inconspicuous way either. No one said anything. What would you have done? Please send your answer to poppyorourkeentertainmentnewsreporter@localnewschannel27.com and I might read it on the air and ask a panel of experts what they think of you!

And now for an interview:
(Poppy approaches two ladies in their fifties who are sitting together on the subway with shopping bags.)

POPPY O'ROURKE
This is Mary and her old friend Glen. They've lived in New York all their lives, so I want to know the big answer to the big question on everyone's mind - What do you think of the pedestrian walkway in Times Square?

MARY
I think it's nice for the tourist and traffic. There's more room.

GLEN
(clearly disgusted, taking it personally that they've built a pedestrian walkway in Times Square)
I would never sit there.

MARY
I would sit there.

GLEN
Not me. Not me.

POPPY
Thanks Mary and Glen. You ladies put the gab in fab. What a story. What a life!

Who's visiting our precious town at the moment, you might ask yourself every morning. Well this week it's my favorite celebrity couple - The Chohan! Yes, Lindsey Lohan and Dick Cheney were spotted canoodling aboard our fair city's G train, eventually falling asleep on opposite ends of the car, causing all passengers to huddle in the middle in an effort to escape the sudden possibly incriminating knowledge of Mr. Cheney's undisclosed location and Ms. Lohan's volcanic eruptions of snoring coughs. No comments were made by anyone of authority, but I was asked to call again any time I thought I saw either member of The Chohan sleeping on the subway and the details of the train and car number.

That's it for this entertainment news reporter. No fancy parties or red carpet ceremonies to blandly commentate on. Just the real news from real people who really aren't in the entertainment business at all.

I'm Poppy O'Rourke and you just got the poop on the inside scoop!