Devon's National Sketch Writing Month Blogaroo

Poppy O'Rourke

2009-09-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

POPPY O'ROURKE, ENTERTAINMENT NEWS REPORTER

Poppy O'Rourke speaks like someone from the 1920s and wears bold colors.
She is reporting live, from the subway.

POPPY O'ROURKE
Poppy O'Rourke, here, your favorite local entertainment news reporter, bringing you the poop on the inside scoop, as per usual.
Here's the gossip from the underground - your exclusive subway trash-talk from the unseen seedy underbelly of the city.

A prissy blond wearing too much makeup and uncomfortable shoes was visibly and passive-aggressively irritated by the lousy gumsmacker to her left. He was aware and had no hard feelings, and the gum was still flavorful at press time.

A homeless woman with numerous bags and a cheery disposition received a quarter from a child who did not judge her, but did proudly state that she smelled like a potty.

A businessman probably on the way to do something that will take advantage of our hard-earned tax dollars was unaware that his fly was undone and not in an inconspicuous way either. No one said anything. What would you have done? Please send your answer to poppyorourkeentertainmentnewsreporter@localnewschannel27.com and I might read it on the air and ask a panel of experts what they think of you!

And now for an interview:
(Poppy approaches two ladies in their fifties who are sitting together on the subway with shopping bags.)

POPPY O'ROURKE
This is Mary and her old friend Glen. They've lived in New York all their lives, so I want to know the big answer to the big question on everyone's mind - What do you think of the pedestrian walkway in Times Square?

MARY
I think it's nice for the tourist and traffic. There's more room.

GLEN
(clearly disgusted, taking it personally that they've built a pedestrian walkway in Times Square)
I would never sit there.

MARY
I would sit there.

GLEN
Not me. Not me.

POPPY
Thanks Mary and Glen. You ladies put the gab in fab. What a story. What a life!

Who's visiting our precious town at the moment, you might ask yourself every morning. Well this week it's my favorite celebrity couple - The Chohan! Yes, Lindsey Lohan and Dick Cheney were spotted canoodling aboard our fair city's G train, eventually falling asleep on opposite ends of the car, causing all passengers to huddle in the middle in an effort to escape the sudden possibly incriminating knowledge of Mr. Cheney's undisclosed location and Ms. Lohan's volcanic eruptions of snoring coughs. No comments were made by anyone of authority, but I was asked to call again any time I thought I saw either member of The Chohan sleeping on the subway and the details of the train and car number.

That's it for this entertainment news reporter. No fancy parties or red carpet ceremonies to blandly commentate on. Just the real news from real people who really aren't in the entertainment business at all.

I'm Poppy O'Rourke and you just got the poop on the inside scoop!

Blarg and Flarg

2009-09-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

This one might be a good children's cartoon. Or something good to throw away. It's a meek start to the month.

The Adventures of Blarg and Flarg

Blarg and Flarg are two gelatinous-looking alien creatures sitting on their small planet's surface.

BLARG
Flarg, there's nothing left to do on our home planet of Glarg. I think we've done everything there is to do here.

FLARG
You're probably right, Blarg. Maybe we should finally visit another planet like we've always talked about.

BLARG
But Flarg, how would we get there? And how do we know we could survive? Their planet dust may not be safe to eat like ours. We'd probably end up staying there for four million years and then we'll run out of things to do again, just like here on Glarg.

FLARG
You're right. Wherever you go, that's where you are. Besides, we don't have a spaceship or a map or any idea how far away the other planets really are.

BLARG
I suppose we'll have to start over with all the things we've done in the last 4 million years here on Glarg. Surely it will still be interesting to eat dust from the other side of the planet, play Shlarg, and sing the notes of our chakras again.

FLARG
Okay, Blarg. It is our only option, really.

BLARG
As I recall it took one Glargorian year to get to the other side of the planet, so we should get started on our journey to try the other planet dust now.

FLARG
Yes, let's go.

Flarg and Blarg begin slowly moving as one might imagine gelatinous blobs would move. Suddenly there's an explosion.

Video: meteor destroying planet - perhaps crude animation

Blackout

Lights up and Blarg and Flarg are wearing white robes/sheets.

FLARG
Well, Blarg, this is something completely new and different, isn't it?

BLARG
Yes, Flarg. But how long do you think it will take for us to run out of things to do before eternity ends?!

Blarg and Flarg mug to audience.

Ba-duh, duh, duh, duh, duh....duh!

30 sketches in 30 days

2009-08-28T18:36:00.000-07:00

I'm participating in National Sketch Writing Month 2009. The next 30 posts, starting September 1st, will be the proof of the pudding. And hopefully no one will read this.

Shamzam,
Devon